Mental toughness

I have been struggling with my mental toughness lately. When I say lately, I mean the last few years. I'm not sure exactly when or how I lost it, but it is gone and I desperately want to get it back.

I used to be ultra competitive and would not quit anything because I felt like a failure if I did not complete it. I am keeping this ambiguous on purpose because lately, I have been failing myself in a lot of areas of my life lately.

I try to be positive and look for the positive in all situations, but lately I have been dwelling on my failures more than my successes. I know that I have to make a concious decision in order to make the change, but I am having trouble doing that. I talked to a freind about this the other day and he told me that at some point, I told myself that it was alright for me to fail, and I believed it. I can remember a point in 1994 that I failed, and I guess I never forgave myself for failing. I have accomplished a lot of things since that point, but everytime I fail at something, I think about that one day in 1994.

Back to 2010... I have difficulty running among other things...I have never been a speed demon on the track. You will never see me winning the Olympics for distance running, but I could hold my own. I have failed so much at running that now the second I start running, I get demoralized to the point that I just want to stop. I know that my body is strong enough to do it, but my mind holds me back from accomplishing this simple task. I go through the affirmations before I start (you're good enough, you CAN do this, you ARE strong enough, smart enough, etc...), but still the doubts enter the second my feet start moving.

Why can some people just "power" through and do things and yet I have difficulty? Are they stronger than me? Maybe. Are they better at running than me? Most definitely. The answer is more likely, they are mentally tougher than me. Mental toughness allows people to drive through pain and adversity to achieve a level of success.

This is affecting almost every aspect of my life. I seem to have no confidence in anything that I do lately. How do I change this? How do I get the toughness back? I don't know...Until I do, I will be going through the motions day by day...